How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
