We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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