Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
