I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
