You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
