it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
