At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
