bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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