I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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