I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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