You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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