While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Who died my cat blue again?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
