Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
