I puked a lego.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
