DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
