based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
