I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
