i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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