We're facebook friends in real life
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
