OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
