A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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