Who did Billy Mays play for?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
