When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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