this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
