i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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