So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
