A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
