i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
