please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
