worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
