I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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