You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
how does that bad decision feel?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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