what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
