I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
