she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
