That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
