I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
