The best revenge is premature balding
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
