Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
