Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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