she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
being pregnant is like rehab
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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