Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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