she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
