I CAN MOONWALK!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
