This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
