Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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