And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
