Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
