thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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