just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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