VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
