I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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