seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
