The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
