so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You ruined the universe
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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