No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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