Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
