u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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