had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
