she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
