I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
